


Wilted

by captainflintsjacket



Series: Wilted [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Death of a loved one, F/M, Grief, dealing with grief, or if we're being honest how not to deal with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 18:38:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20457632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: You receive some bad news and Leonard tries to help you cope.





	Wilted

The Captain announced shore leave almost a month ago, and every day that passed filled you with dread. You were probably the only one on the whole ship terrified of two weeks leave, but it was hard to look forward to it when it was going to be your first shore leave without family.

Even before you were a couple, you and Leonard McCoy had a tradition: you’d take a shuttle east to Georgia and spend a few days with his family (and his mother’s amazing dump cake) and then you’d rent a car and drive up to Virginia to see your dad. You were an only child and your parents got divorced when you were just a kid - couldn’t take the long stretches of absence that came with your dad being a Starfleet officer. Of course, your mom got custody, so you were forced to live with her and her new boyfriend in Kansas. You missed your dad so much as a kid that you spent every second you could with him to make up for lost time, visiting every shore leave and video chatting at least twice a week while you were on the Enterprise. Except the day his shuttle crashed.

It was a year into a mission that was only supposed to take 7 months, and the Enterprise was having a tough time of it. After restocking and refueling on the closest Federation planet, you were wrapped up with Montgomery Scott doing damage control. Of course the ship could handle much longer missions if she’d been outfitted properly, but no one thought you’d be in the air this long. Wires were shorting everywhere and coolant was leaking every other week. The entire rec area was in a blackout right now, and Scotty assigned you to fix it while he cleaned up the warp core. It was the first time Scotty left you alone to do such a big project, and you were determined to make him proud so you messaged your father that the Chief Engineer needed you and you couldn’t make the call. Since he was his ship’s Chief Engineer before getting promoted to Vice Admiral, you hoped he’d understand.

You were making good progress when Scotty came up to check on you. “How’s it going, lass?”

“Slow. Half these wires are frayed and shorting out.” You accidentally brushed a loose wire, pulling back with a yelp as it shocked you.

Scotty sighed, mumbling curses under his breath before crouching down next to you to take a look. “I’ll finish her up. Jim’s wants to talk to ye.”

You picked up some electrical tape and kept working. “Jim wants to talk he can come down here. I’m busy taping his ship together.”

“Aye, and that’s what I told him. Said it was important, though. He’s in conference room B.” Scotty took the tape from your hands and nodded towards the door. You sighed in defeat and stood to leave. “Oh, and Y/N. If the Captain’s trying to get you into another one of his pranks, will you tell him exactly how painful it is to die of radiation poisoning if the warp core starts leaking?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Sure thing, Scotty. Right after I help him with whatever prank he’s planning.”

As soon as you made it to the conference room, you knew Jim wasn’t planning a prank. Leonard sat at the table, wringing his hands over a file. His eyes were red around the edges, as if he’d been crying. Jim couldn’t even look you in the eyes. He tried, but he’d drop his gaze after a few seconds. You’d never known him to be timid.

“It might be better if you sit,” he said, pulling out a chair. Busying himself.

“I don’t want to sit, Jim.” You crossed your arms over your chest, planting your feet by the door ready to bolt. “I want you to tell me what’s going on. Someone’s gotta help Scotty keep the ship running, and I’m the best he’s got.”

“Sweetheart,” Leonard said, eyes closed, trying to smooth the wrinkles on his forehead with his hand, “please just sit.”

Your heart rate picked up. You’d know Leonard’s “I’ve got bad news” voice anywhere. You swallowed against the growing tightness in your throat. “Please just tell me what’s going on Len.” When he didn’t answer you started getting angry. “Leonard McCoy I swear to god if you called me away from my work to break up with me I’m gonna kick your ass and then I’m gonna kick yours,” you pointed at Jim, “for staying and watching.”

“It’s your dad,” Leonard said, voice no more than a whisper.

Everything started spinning. “What about him?”

Leonard took a steadying breath, trying to find the words, but it was Jim who spoke first. “There was a shuttle crash. The fuel lines caught and the whole thing burned up. Your dad was stuck inside, trying to pull people out. He saved seven cadets before he…” Jim’s voice trailed off, not that you would’ve heard it. After “shuttle crash” it was like your brain turned off. All you could hear was a high pitched buzzing.

“I know this is hard, baby, but I need you to breathe for me,” Leonard said, standing and taking a step towards you.

You shook your head. “He can’t be dead. I didn’t call him this morning. I had to fix the rec area I didn't….I didn’t call him.” You swallowed against the tightness in your chest, willing yourself to breathe but unable to do anything but picture the shuttle crash. The sound of the fuel line hissing and catching fire. You could hear your father’s voice ordering people to stay calm, pulling out as many people as he could.

Leonard put his hands on your arms, thumb stroking the fabric of your red shirt. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, but I need you to focus on my voice. I need you to tell me how to help. We’ve cleared you from work for the next couple days to-”

“No,” you said, pushing Leonard off. “No I-I need to fix the rec area. I’ll see you later.” You could hear Leonard and Jim both calling after you as you left the room but it was lost in the buzzing of your brain. Your hands shook as you pushed the image of a burning shuttle from your mind, focusing instead on the cold metal of the sip under your feet, the wires that needed replacing.

Scotty was hanging up his communicator as you rounded the corner. You cut him off before he could speak: “I need to do this. Alone.” Scotty just nodded, squeezing your shoulder as he left.

He should’ve stopped you. Better yet, you should’ve stopped yourself but you knew you were too much like your father for your own good. You dealt with grief the same way - by throwing yourself into your work. That’s probably why you ended up in Medbay more than usual. You asked for M’Benga, hoping Leonard wouldn’t notice that this was the sixth time you’d come in for treatment in four days, but you could hear his voice nearing the exam room and your heart sank.

He didn’t look at you when he came in, just closed the door behind him and stared at your chart. The bio bed beeped as your heart rate increased. Leonard’s eyes shot up briefly before settling back on the report. You could tell he was pissed, but when he spoke it was soft: “Electrical shock. Head trauma. Sprained wrist,” he listed off. “Guess you’ve been too busy killing yourself to meet for lunch.” You hung your head, wanting to say something but knowing nothing would suffice. Leonard threw the file beside on the bed, pulling out his tricorder and sweeping it over you, settling on the burns on your hands. “What happened?” No sweetheart, no sugar, all business.

“Burned myself,” you mumbled.

“I can see that,” he snapped. Leonard took a shaky breath before turning to grab the dermal regenerator. “I meant how.”

“Water heater broke. Grabbed the valve without thinking.”

“Seems like you’ve been not thinking a lot,” Leonard said, motioning to the cut on your forehead and the bruise on your arm. He brought a hand up to stroke your cheek absentmindedly before tending to your hands. “I’m worried about you, Y/N.”

“‘’M fine.” You didn’t even try to make it sound convincing.

“Horseshit.” Leonard’s voice was growing steadily louder. “You’re not, Y/N. You’re not fine. You haven’t been eating and don’t try to say you’re eating in Engineering because I asked Scotty to keep an eye on you. He said you’re not, even when he brings you food. Not to mention you’re not coming to our room at night anymore and you’ve tripled your visits to Medbay. Honestly, did you think I wouldn’t find out you’re seeing Geoff instead? I’m the goddamn CMO. Of course I’m gonna hear about it when my own girlfriend crawls into my medbay all cut up because she ignored my suggestion she take a few days leave and can’t focus enough to strip a damn wire.”

You were silent a few minutes, willing yourself to be angry, willing yourself to feel anything but grief. “I’m sorry,” you said.

Leonard put the regenerator on the bed, taking your hands gently in his own. “I just want to help, sweetheart,” he said, “but I can’t do that if you won’t talk to me.” His eyes were heartbroken when they locked with yours. You couldn’t stop your bottom lip from quivering.

“I just miss him,” you whispered, “and when I’m down in Engineering it’s like he’s there. He taught me how to strip wires and how to fix anything with a wrench and some tape and God, Len, I just miss him. I miss him so much.” The sobs choked you before you could stop them. Leonard stood between your legs, pulling you against him. You buried your sobs in his blue shirt, holding onto the material as tightly as you could. “I tried to call him,” you sobbed into Leonard’s chest, “after I left the conference room I tried to call him. I should’ve done it earlier but I didn’t. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“I know, sugar,” Leonard said, rubbing your back. “But he knew you loved him, and I know for a fact he loved you with all his heart. I do too, Y/N. I love you so much.”

“I’m sorry I went to Geoff. I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t be,” Leonard said, pulling back and wiping your cheeks with his thumbs. “We’re both here now. You don’t need to be sorry.” He pressed his lips against your forehead. “Love you so much,” he whispered. He leaned down and pressed his lips gently against yours. You kissed him back before another sob shook your body, and Leonard wrapped you in his arms again.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
